Going through a divorce can be very difficult. It can leave you feeling emotionally drained. John Adams suggests tips to cope with Divorce and move forward.
Most of us dream about spending our whole life with our one and only soul mate. We meet someone special, fall in love, and eventually decide to tie the knot. Unfortunately, almost 50% of marriages around the globe end in divorce. Some couples who marry young don’t get along as they mature, and several older couples drift apart with time. Marriages are terminated for many different reasons; people who were head over heels for each other at some point turn into sworn enemies. Regardless of the events that lead to the divorce, it is indeed a devastating experience.
The time during divorce proceedings and right after is when a person’s emotions run high. We are simultaneously dealing with feelings of anger, sadness, frustration, and loneliness. Coping with divorce is even harder for those who didn’t want the marriage to end or were betrayed by their partner. Divorces are also a lot more complicated where minor children are involved. If your divorce is taking the life out of you, here are ten tips to help you get through.
1. Do not view Divorce as a Failure
Divorce was once considered a social stigma, i.e. something to be ashamed of. Lucky for you, the concept of divorce has totally changed in the modern era. Today, divorce is a means to liberate yourself from a suffocating relationship, protect your rights, and live the life you deserve. One failed marriage does not define you, but in fact promotes mental growth and self-discovery. If you acknowledge your divorce as a life lesson rather than a failure, you will free yourself of regrets and take on the path of self-improvement.
2. Take a break from intimate Relationships
Many individuals make the mistake of jumping into the dating pool, as soon as their divorce is finalized. You need to understand that you are in a vulnerable state, which may urge you to make irrational decisions. Allow yourself to get over your last relationship and contemplate over what you want in a future relationship. Learn to be independent rather than finding another person you can depend on. Regain control of your mind and body before you decide to meet someone new; do not rush into a commitment this time or ever.
3. Do not Neglect your Health and Appearance
It is normal to feel empty and unmotivated right after a divorce. You might lose the will to make yourself look presentable or even leave home. If you try to drown your sorrows with alcohol and unhealthy eating habits, you are only punishing yourself. This moping routine will only make you look and feel worse, so quit it before there’s no point of return. Maintain a balanced/nutritional diet, exercise daily, and make an effort to look your best every day.
4. Concentrate on your Work or Career
If you have a well-paid job or work in a field you are passionate about, it is time to converge your focus right there. Strive to get better at what you do and make yourself worthy of a promotion. The hard work and dedication will safeguard you from depressing thoughts, and reward you with promising worldly benefits. If you previously abandoned your career for marriage, perhaps it is time to go back to school or search for new opportunities.
5. Build a Support System
Family and friends are very important to get through challenging times. You should tell them how you feel and let them provide the emotional support you need. Keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself won’t help you move on. Catharsis is necessary, and nothing heals a broken heart like words of consolation from your loved ones.
6. Distract yourself with a Productive Hobby
Married life often makes a person forget about their personal interests and fancies. It is not surprising to forget about pleasing yourself when you are constantly entertaining your spouse and children. You need to get back to the things you once did for self-satisfaction and enjoyment. You may go and get all the books you didn’t get to read, start writing your own novel, paint something, get your old sewing machine from the attic, or indulge in some gourmet cooking/baking.
7. Get rid of Keepsakes
If you surround yourself with things that remind you of your ex, it will become increasingly difficult to start a new chapter of your life. All the gifts they gave or objects connected to memories with them have no place in your life anymore. Remember that ‘out of sight’ turns out to be out of mind’. Give away or sell off all the keepsakes and concentrate on making new memories
8. Renovate or Revamp your Living Space
Following the divorce, you either keep the family home or find a new place to live. If you are staying in the house you once shared with your ex, you should give it a makeover to make it yours. If you have moved to a new apartment, decorate it in a way that makes you happy. A comfortable and personalized space will make you feel at ease; not to mention, the transformation will keep you busy and full of enthusiasm.
9. Plan outings with Children or a Relaxing Vacation
If you are a newly single parent, it is your duty to make sure that the divorce does not take its toll on the kids. Whenever they are staying with you, make every moment count. Plan fun outings and keep them entertained while you’re staying home. Refrain from whining about your problems or berating your ex in their presence. If you and your ex didn’t have any children together, this is the perfect opportunity to take some time off for yourself. Go visit your dream destination and embark on the adventure of a lifetime.
10. Consider Professional Help
If you’re struggling to cope with the pain and loss, do not hesitate to seek professional help. A certified therapist can help you make peace with the past and let it go. A support group, medication, or some other treatment may cure you. If you are unhappy with the provisions of your divorce agreement, you should consult a divorce attorney to make things right.
Featured Image Credit: Engin Akyurt (Unsplash)
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